'once we were'

i cut out the picture,
our faces smashed together,
i was in a pigtails phase, recaptured youth,
or some other-such nonesense,
you were straight out of pilates classes,
trying not to waver back into old obsessions,
shakingly beautiful, sublime.

these are the same two girls from the grey choir robes,
summer swims at joey and jason's house,
kissing underwater,
give or take the two of them,
we never cared who we got,
spin the bottle, spin the twin,
you were the one with your hair up then,
i was the one diving backwards,
hiding in between the lines of "our song".

now we are both off to some great divide,
splitting the atoms, the barriers between,
entropy bleeding from signed papers,
vows,
soccer mom vans,
stolen cigarettes in the bathroom,
i still write you sometimes,
on the back of a cereal box, hotel stationary,
my divorce decree,
you still call in the middle of the night,
laughing,
crying,
viva la extreme.

and i flitted betweeen love and hate,
with you,
like a masked villian,
a convict, tattooed divine,
i wanted to be you one minute,
lose you the next,
and this is how you weave two women together,
through bridges and mentions and life,
this is the picture we dream up,
paint,
your dreams to kick the ass of a tsar,
or just blow him in the back of a chevy,
my sketched out lie to be normal,
to have the damn picket fence,
black and white tv screen visions.

now i'm not sure where to take us,
i hold our faces,
as i said, in the palm of my hand,
all lipstick and vanity,
heartbreak cachophony,
i want to sing the verses of what happens next on the back of us,
scrawled in fuchia ink,
stamp and seal it, off to you,
and maybe you'd sing along,
or change the tune,
let me know how far off i've steered us, myself,
or how to get back to those smiles between the lens.

laura f

Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.
[Me.]

lyrics for today: 'life on a chain'

i live on a chain
and you share the same last name,
as a joke, i sent a bottle of whiskey,
as you choked,
i knew it made you feel dirty,

and i was waiting over here for life to begin,
i was looking for the new thing,
and you were the sunshine
heading my front-line,
i was alone,
you were just around the corner from me.

time alone is good,
i spend my days in the city,
dirty neighborhood,
you know you’ll never convince me,
so i sold the town away,
i couldn’t wait to forget you,
i was killed in half a day,
i hadn’t time to regret you,

and i was waiting over here for life to begin,
i was looking for the new thing
and you were the sunshine
heading my front line,
i was alone
you were just around the corner from me.

i, i’m still on the chain,
and you,
had the same last name,
as a joke, i sent a bottle of whiskey
as you choked,
you said it made you feel dirty...

waiting over here,
for life to begin,
still looking for the new thing,
and you were the sunshine
heading my front-line,
i was alone,
you were just around the corner from me.

100 words (2 days): you crept back in when i'd just about forgotten. i think that was part of you style. your pitch. i didn't try so hard this time. let myself be just that. myself. and it lit something in you. my lack of effort. you buzzed around me. lighting matches. opening bottles. wrapping gauze and paper wings around me. we lay in the back of your car. the windows fogged. barely able to make out the screen. the muted voices. the soundtrack. and i gave you something new to me. a one time shot. a milestone. you were careful with me, yes.

floated. my mind drifting. i found it so hard to stay within my skin. but it wasn't a mistake, that night. i know you were overwhelmed when i told you. you felt a temporary burden of responsibility. like you owed me something. you didn't. you were just what i needed. then. but we moved passed the awkward pauses. and, though i sometimes said you broke my heart -- that would be a lie. you left your act behind, that night. your words opened up. upfront. you treated me with something rare to you. above all, i was your friend.

thoughts: this weekend is starting to begin. already. last night the first arrivals came. i'm excited and nervous. trying not to overthink everything. i have a tendency to slip into this mode of trying to make everything perfect -- everyone happy. and, to be honest, it's exhausting. i don't want that. i want to relax. enjoy. it is so rare that i'm surrounded by friends. in person. this is important to me. it means so much. so, i'm just trying to breathe. trying not to be a cruise ship coordinator, or some other such bullshit. we'll see how i go.

guilty pleasure of the day: pete yorn

well, it isn't like his music is crap. or cheesy. but, it had that sweetness of something guilty, listening to his cd today. we were riding in her rental car. i so need a cd player in mine. and the rain was pouring down. the sky cloudy. and the music just really fit. filled me up.

website of the day: http://www.peteyorn.com/

:)

laura f

Take the Which Repulsive Food Item Are You? quiz, by ProtocolDroid.

'rest stop recollection'

there is nothing like a road trip to really define people, open them up, raw, exposed,
you never really know someone until you've spent several sticky days in a car, cross-country.

the tape player broke in the first hour, not even out of los angeles and the tape unspooled, fell to the floor, so it was radio or nothing at all, she became shotgun d.j., blurring through the options that long highway stations ready up.

the other three sat in the back, their illusion of a romantic paved adventure slowly shredding and blowing out the half-cracked window, "i can't take another country song" she lamented, her t-shirt tied up to her chest, hair blowing, lips chapped, still beautiful.

we lived off convenience store entrees, potato chips, stale hot dog buns, slush-puppies, he bought her a pack of superhero trading cards, they pasted the wonder woman sticker on my back, sang the theme song, again and again, then started to chant -- back and forward -- all the james bond movies they could name.

fifty miles from new orleans i pulled over to the side of the road, that's where i threw it out, your engagement ring, i don't know why i chose that spot, it just felt right, he baptized the occasion with flat 7-up, on our heads, she was laughing, and my sidekick held my hand, knew this was really something, more than a postcard could ever say.

getting there was anti-climatic, sure there were showers, clean clothes, space between, but the little luxuries of a hotel room and food that didn't come in a sealed bag or styrofoam package, well, it just felt trite, contrived, we all let out individual sighs, at different times, all longed for the map and the a.m. station hell.

but, we didn't go back, not at once, not together, we all found different cobblestone paths to take, me, i went east, found a place in so-ho, got a new ring around my finger, chained again.

he stayed put, found a boy to worship him, a humid bar to hang at, the air suited him just fine, she flew back home, after a week, he called her and she couldn't resist, and my radio controlled navigator, she hovered just a breath away from my lips, promising everything, nothing, and then blew away, away, poof.

laura f

lyrics for today: 'hook in her head' throwing muses

certain things i love, spend my time
i guess i'll have to unhook those hooks

this woman literally
felt she had a hook in her head

rip it up
live it down
make it big
keep it clean
shake it off
take him off
take it off
do him good
keep it up
shake it off

he's a fucking drag, but if you don't then you watch him go
if you can you see it home, you be strong
and when you die it's a shame
but you old life stays the same

she has a hook in her head

i saw this lady close her eyes
the bottle slipped between her fingers
and slid along the aisle

if i were a man i'd have a gun, but i'm so bone tired
i'm so bone tired, i'm old...

i watch the snow make slow time
i watch the snow cover up the bottle
so i can slip between

i will read the label from underneath
i wear the circle in my sleep

100 words (2 days): backspace. i almost forgot you. skipped right over a moment. maybe i want to. i don't know. it was unexpected. all of it. even the start. meeting you. i was supposed to be with an old friend. singing along. and he left me for a simple flirtation. i was bitter. hurt. but refused to mold into my bedroom walls. so i was there. and so were you. john taylor hat. the deepest brown eyes i've ever seen. still. even now. the cocky laughter. intelligence is my weakness. and you were bleeding it all over me. that night. and i shook.

i thought i'd never see you again, though you took my number. i waited for ringing. but the days faded into weeks. then you appeared. again. we had the most awkward first date ever. the stuff they warn you about in cheesy magazines. you were testing me. even then. but i didn't see that. the only moment of connection was the embrace on my porch. then you were gone. i stood there conflicted. touched, but empty. you left me wanting more. guess you knew that. guess that was your plan from the start. and then more weeks floated by. poof.

in my mind: strange. i almost forgot this piece of my life i wanted to include. and now, this almost-forgotten is taking up more and more words. i realized today i've never wrote about him. about that time. about the way it all felt to me. so, i suppose i have a lot to put down. to take out. to shed. funny how the past can come up on you like that. boom. and i wouldn't want any of it now. i like it back there. in it's past. but, there is so much i didn't realize i felt about it. still.

guilty pleasure of the day: questions

okay. anyone who knows me knows i ask too many questions (and that i talk to much!). i don't know. i have so many curiousities. and people, they just fascinate me. i want to know so much. so much. so i ask. and ask. and ask. i never get tired of asking questions.

website of the day: http://satellite.one11.net/

this is an awesome site. please, everyone, check it out!

laura f

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

lyrics for today: 'you suck' the murmurs

no one hurt my fragile little mind right now
it's tangled up
and don't you know
the pussycat in me is curling up right now
but i'll bloom
from the inside out

but right now
there's dust on my guitar,
you fuck
and it's all your fault
oh you paralyzed my mind
and for that you suck

freedom's on my list today
and i'm feelin' pissed
but my timeless thoughts and ageless mind
won't let you get away (let you get away)
and your guilty little conscience
won't either

but right now
there's dust on my guitar,
you fuck
and it's all your fault
oh you paralyzed my mind
and for that you suck

we all take risks
we all fall hard
but you, you went too far
and im too plush for your pathetic digs
and you're the only one you'll scar

but right now
there's dust on my guitar,
you fuck
and it's all your fault
oh you paralyzed my mind
and for that you suck

100 words (2 days): the whirlwind started soon after. college classes. long bus rides to fullerton. dosing off. waking up, breathless, at my stop. theatre classes. immersed in everything. work. so many hours. and slowly my life taking this jangly shape. sunday nights were the start of it. glitter. disco tunes. a special knock to get in. i felt like i was stepping back in time. and forward. i painted my face. drew lines in my skin. became someone else. every sunday. then everyday. and the illusions masked over the disillusions. one in the same. as i ordered another drink. cigarette burns. clash. crash.

something had to give. sundays bled into wednesdays ran into fridays. i spent more time in the bathroom. fixing my hair. my clothes. my chemical fill. i let the ball drop at school. twelve years before. then one more. it felt like enough is enough. and i needed the money for all of this. the first night i dove in, i shook. i felt scarred. dirty. jaded. but i felt revived, too. lit up. different. it didn't start as addiction. nothing ever does. but it became part and parcel to the decline of who i was. still an innocent, but...

today: i feel like i'm getting sick. ugh. now is not the time. this week is going to be busy. friends coming. i need to feel good. revived. and i will. tomorrow i have a day off. a doctor's visit. and i will do my best to rest. sleep. feel good again.

guilty pleasure of the day: 'the simpsons'

so many years of watching them, and they still make me laugh. ralphie is still my favourite! "i choo-choo choose you!"
tee hee.

website of the day: http://www.themurmurs.com/

hurray for the murmurs!!!!!!!!!! (now known as gush!)

laura f

'enough rope'
5/19/02

she packed all she could fit in a backpack,
nothing more, nothing less,
and ran: down the stairs, out the door, 'cross the highway,
never looking back.

"hitchiking is suicide", her last friend from the world had said, "might as well get a rope and just hang yourself. get it over with."

over with.
over with.
over with.

well, he wouldn't have to know, wouldn't have to see,
her thumb stuck out, in defiance,
in reverance, in somesort of jelly-filled desperation.

"where to?" he said, through yellow-crooked teeth.

where to?
where to?
where to?

she wanted to lose herself in the mountains,
paint tales of wonder on the sides of trees,
crawl down into civilization long enough for a cold glass of coke, slice of pie, a smile.

she stepped up into the elevated cab, a slight shiver trailing to the base of her spine, laughing to cover fear.

"i guess, just to the next town." she said, almost in a half whisper, half gasp.

and the road spread out before them.

before them.
before them.
before them.

he smelled of marlboro reds and coffee,
like her father before he left,
same flannal, too.
she wanted to touch his hand, for it to be his, for it not to be some kind of a come-on.

but she was used to this, by now, how the smell of her skin brought out the animal. guava. vanilla. and something more. and they all wanted the more of it, she opened her mouth wider, closed her eyes, thought of blue skies, buttered popcorn at the main west, double-features, the last line of 'blue'.

he dropped off. crumpled. torn.
the neon blinking no vacancy.

no vacancy.
no vacancy.
no vacancy.

she lifted up her backpack, spit, went to the pop machine, a cold coke, and kept walking. the mountains had to be here, somewhere. i would make my stellar entrance there, shed my clothes, my scent, lose myself in the green and grub.

if i had enough rope, i might just hang myself. here.

laura f

lyrics of the day: 'choose drugs' juliana hatfield

i withhold your medicine
but you've still got a connection
they remember everything
in the sky, oblivion

i never knew your innocence
your white skin glistens
you pried my eyes open
i've lost my ambition

i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs
i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs

i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs
i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs

drugs, drugs.

100 words: you were the same boy in the green sweater. i was the same girl hiding behind her books and baggy clothing. our eyes gave away our pasts. but we never let on. we were too busy recreating ourselves. painting over our damaged canvases. the paint was cracked. yours, more than mine, at the time. i never realized how much pain you were trying to lose. you emptied needle after needle into your veins. clouding you. caressing you with denial. and we all let it happen, didn't we? we let you slip. i just closed my eyes. sang my own song.

thoughts: i still remember how he smelled. the gold fleck in his brown eyes. the sound of his laugh. the feel of riding in his red jeep. the way the sunlight shadowed the walls in his room in the early morning. i wish i'd known more of what he was. what he went through. i wish i'd known the way to save him. i miss him. green sweater, and all.

guilty pleasure of the day: clothes shopping

even when it isn't for me...like today. taking her summer clothes shopping. piling as many possible outfits into our arms, until they feel like they will fold and break. the dressing room. a little mini-fashion show. the piles. yes. no. maybe. and then emptying the bags out at home. how can that not be fun?

website of the day: http://www.oldnavy.com/asp/product.asp?:=l&wdid=30076&wpid=148415

one of the finds for her, today. in teal. :)

laura f

'beneath the lie'

i walk through this world with veils
layers of disguise
the paste and staples holding this together
all my malfunction and glee
i like to play with the trick of the lights
hide within my words
weave together meaning and collapes with my tongue
confusing you at every turn, or not
but some nights when we collapse into bed
you with your right arm around me
hair tangled up in mine
i think you see all the mess that is me
read between the lines of my skin
but you close your eyes and kiss me anyway
despite the cracks in my soul

laura f

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Which Angel would you be? By Angel Falls

lyrics for today: 'rose tint my world' rocky horror picture show cast

it was great when it all began
i was a regular frankie fan
but it was over when he had the plan
to start working on a muscle man
now the only thing that gives me hope
is my love of a certain dope
rose tints my world
keeps me safe from my trouble and pain

i'm just seven hours old
truly beautiful to behold
and somebody should be told
my libido hasn't been controlled
now the only thing i've come to trust
is an orgasmic rush of lust
rose tints my world
and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain

it's beyond me
help me, mommy
i'll be good, you'll see
take this dream away
what this, let's see
i feel sexy
what's come over me?
woo! here it comes again

i feel released
bad times deceased
my confidence has increased
reality is here
the game has been disbanded
my mind has been expanded
it's a gas that frankie's landed
his lust is so sincere

don't dream it

whatever happened to fay wray?
that delicate satin draped frame
as it clung to her thigh, how i started to cry
'cause i wanted to be dressed just the same
give yourself over to absolute pleasure
swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
erotic nightmares beyond any measure
and sensual daydreams to treasure forever
can't you just see it. whoa ho ho!
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it

don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it
don't dream it, be it

ach! we've got to get out of this trap
before this decadence saps our wills
i've got to be strong and try to hang on
or else my mind, may well snap
and my life will be lived
for the thrills

don't dream it, be it

it's beyond me
help me, mommy

god bless lili st. cyr

100 words (2 days): then the safety net collapsed. ripped. cap and gown. time to go on from here. try to maintain the freedom i felt. carry it with me. change. change. change. how i relished it. despised it. feared it. caressed it. i decided on a path of glitter and escape. i was drunk on it now. applause. masks. denial. wasn't ready to give up, yet. he used to give me a ride in his old mustang. black and grey hair. old beyond his youth. i wrote lines to say to him the night's before. kept trying on my best impression of starlet.

they called one night. invitation. i never knew what began. simple black dress. too new shoes. anticipation. i rode along. a car full of boys, who love boys. singing along. part of me wanted to just be them. my feet hurt. my heart raced. i tried not to look so blown away. wigs. glam. tequila shots. cigarettes. needles on the bathroom floor. i stepped over them. took it all in. spun around. spin. spin. my silences turning into lipstick stains. i was pulled. this was a better disguise than any role. or was this just the role i took. then.

mumblings: it is strange. the re-telling of my life, in these really brief spurts. the things that show themselves. the things that still hide. i still wonder how it will all look at the end of may.

guilty pleasure of the day: 'friends'
sometimes i'm not sure why i still watch. it isn't always funny. or great t.v. but, i've watched these characters for so long, it's hard not to feel some kind of a connection. silly as it may be.

website of the day: http://persephoneplus.com/

plus sized goth gear. some of the dresses are so gorgeous. *swoon*.

laura f

YELLOW You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

lyrics for today: 'bachlorette' bjork

i'm a fountain of blood
in the shape of a girl
you're the bird on the brim
hypnotised by the whirl

drink me, make me feel real
wet your beak in the stream
game we're playing is life
love is a two way dream

leave me now, return tonight
tide will show you the way
if you forget my name
you will go astray
like a killer whale
trapped in a bay

i'm a path of cinders
burning under your feet
you're the one who walks me
i'm your one way street

i'm a whisper in water
secret for you to hear
you are the one who grows distant
when i beckon you near

leave me now, return tonight
the tide will show you the way
if you forget my name
you will go astray
like a killer whale
trapped in a bay

i'm a tree that grows hearts
one for each that you take
you're the intruder hand
i'm the branch that you break
hum-yeah!

100 words: my voice sounded like a strangers. strong. echoing. i left my cape in the back stairs dumpster. linked arms with the two of them. we lit our little elements afire. rubbing our collective sticks together. jumping atop the bleachers. hiding in the alcoves of the theatre. and the stage. i leapt from it. screaming. howling. spinning. i had no past in these walkways. an empty canvas. so i painted myself with glitter and gold. dyed hair. folded scripts. us. i was still me, underneath the costumes and paint. but me was evolving. singing along. a little girl so less afraid.

today: another day on fast forward, or so it feels like. i feel the need to slow down, but i can't seem to find the brakes. i think my psyche is longing to wind down. sink into the time ahead. maternity leave. time to nest and enjoy my family. i want it now. so badly. so primal. i keep walking into the nursery and smelling the smell of baby things. i can't describe it, exactly, but there is a smell. it hypnotizes me. makes me want to curl up in a corner and sleep the day away. i'm ready for this. but the waiting, and the constant needs to be met, they are the hardest part.

guilty pleasure of the day: lunchboxes

my favourite part of back-to-school/the fall, as a child, was the new lunchbox. standing in the aisle and trying to choose. all the bright colours. the cartoon faces. trying to find the one that would fit for a whole year. a little piece of a definition of me. now, i just love them. want more than one. i'm currently enjoying my powerpuff girls and my timmy ones. yay. (but i also want a wonder woman one that i spied at media play, recently! tee hee!)

website of the day: http://www.bjork.com/unity/

bjork is hypnotic, too! (and yay for the bee!)

last five songs: (from my momi online radio station playlist)
chuck berry (from the movie 'pulp fiction') 'you never can tell'
enigma 'principles of lust'
stockard channing and other cast (from the movie 'grease') 'look at me, i'm sandra dee'
peace orchestra 'who am i'
simon and garfunkel 'bridge over troubled waters'

laura f

Strawberry: 60/100 Pear: 20/100 Banana: 30/100 Tomato: 15/100 Lemon: 0/100

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen and Aaron!

lyrics for the day: 'temptation' new order

heaven, a gateway, a hope
just like the feeling inside, it's no joke
and though it hurts me to treat you this way
betrayed my words, i'd never heard, too hard to say
up, down, turn around
please don't let me hit the ground
tonight i think i'll walk alone
i'll find my soul as i go home

each way i turn, i know i'll always try
to break this circle that's been placed around me
from time to time, i find i've lost some need
that was urgent to myself, i do believe
up, down, turn around
please don't let me hit the ground
tonight i think i'll walk alone
i'll find my soul as i go home

oh, you've got green eyes
oh, you've got blue eyes
oh, you've got grey eyes
and i've never seen anyone quite like you before
no, i've never met anyone quite like you before
bolts from above hit the people down below
people in this world, we have no place to go
oh, it's the last time
oh, i've never met anyone quite like you before
oh no, i've never met anyone quite like you before

100 words: it was the year before the last one. the year he left. no more outside scars. i just won't mention the one's inside. those you have to learn to live with. god and i had come to an understanding. it was time to not believe. and the fake walls around me, they just went too far. i found enough of a voice to say no more -- to many things. and then change, change, change. those first few days the silence wrapped around my mouth. band-aids. motionlessness. but i ripped it off. bleeding. raw. and i spoke up. more and more.

thoughts: i feel qualified today. smart. like i really know my job, and maybe there are actually people who around me who see that i do. i know it may sound silly, or like something that should be obvious, but it isn't. i don't know why, or where it actually comes from...but i always feel so lacking. i constantly feel like i have to run to keep up -- with everything. but, today i actually took a step back and thought "yeah, you actually know what your doing. and do it. well." now, if i can only hold onto that feeling.

guilty pleasure of the day: 'rocky horror picture show'

god, i love it. love it. love it. the music *always* makes my spirit rise (and makes me want to sing and dance along). makes me miss my cast days. playing magenta. the two of us driving every friday and saturday night to balboa. drinking bottles of boones in the back of my car. clove cigarettes. so much make-up. laughter. song. "it's just a jump to the left..."

website of the day: http://www.rockyhorror.com/

yay!

last five songs: (listening to my momi online radio station playlist)
david bowie (cover of the velvet underground) 'i'm waiting for the man'
john travolta and other cast (from the movie 'grease') 'greased lightening'
new order 'temptation'
the statler brothers (from the movie 'pulp fiction') 'flowers on the wall'
dr. scott (from the movie 'the rocky horror picture show') 'eddie'

laura f

Take the Which Cartoon Character on Drugs are you? quiz, by ProtocolDroid.

lyrics for today: 'under the milky way' the church

sometimes when this place gets kind of empty
sound of their breath fades with the light
i think about the loveless fascination
under the milky way tonight

lower the curtain down on memphis
lower the curtain down all right
i got no time for private consultation
under the milky way tonight

wish i knew what you were looking for
might have known what you would find
wish i knew what you were looking for
might have known what you would find

and it's something quite peculiar
something shimmering and white
leads you here despite your destination
under the milky way tonight

wish i knew what you were looking for
might have known what you would find
wish i knew what you were looking for
might have known what you would find

under the milky way tonight..
under the milky way tonight...

100 words: grades were my glue. held my pieces together. but they began to taste stale. too easy to come by. not much of a prize to bring home. (not that i ever wanted to return home) so, i hovered over your spirit. caught it in breaths and syllables in the hallways. i was drunk on you. you let me in through a side door. showed me glimpses. images you reflected. i was safe to be around. demanding nothing. green sweater. dark eyes. i wrote a million miracles of you in my head. walking across the bridge. down the hill. holding you.

today: the music flows through the room. it feels dark still. late. or early. but neither is true. the day just seems to still be sleeping. hiding itself away in the clouds. and i'm here, by the glow of a computer screen. nothing new. and i feel impatient. so many things just on the cusp of happening. i'm floating in limbo and wanting to jump off. reach a point. an ending. a start. all the same. all the same. all the same.

guilty pleasure of the day: surprises

there is nothing quite like surprising someone. reaching into your bag and saying "here. for you." i had some of that this weekend. a maggie pez for him, a new outfit for her. i love that glow of surprise.

website of the day: http://www.janemag.com/2001/athome.html

and yet another magazine obsession!

last five songs: (listening to his current playlist)
john mayer 'no such thing'
five for fighting 'superman'
travis 'slideshow'
the church 'under the milky way'
john mayer 'comfortable'

laura f

lyrics for today: 'into dust' mazzy star

still falling
breathless and on again
inside today
beside me today
around broken in two
'till you eyes shed
into dust
like two strangers
turning into dust
'till my hand shook with the way I fear

i could possibly be fading
or have something more to gain
i could feel myself growing colder
i could feel myself under your fate
under your fate

it was you breathless and tall
i could feel my eyes turning into dust
and two strangers turning into dust
turning into dust

100 words (2 days worth): as i stepped forth into the world of winding hallways, locker combinations and places to fit -- and not fit, i tried to break from my existance. step forward. change. i had all these images of what adolescence should feel like. taped together from television shows, magazines, books. i wanted to leave behind my cloak and dagger silences. throw out my superhero ears and eyes. be something worth being. but you cannot escape yourself so easily. skin holds tightly onto your wavering body. your image. that cracked mirror that sits in the corner of your soul. breaking up the girl. smash.

no one really saw through my stapled shut mouth. i stumbled over words. clothing. style. always trying just too hard. contrived. the jangled up strewns of who i really was showing through the cracks. only the other shadows took me in. other missing pieces in the puzzle of high school. so i dove into my escapes. music took front row center. i memorized lyrics obsessively. finding my reckoning in the repeating lines. and i wrote. mismatched and candy-coated goo like romances. things i wanted to be living. breathing. sick little twists of mind. mine. lost myself even deeper still. beyond.

thoughts: brief today. i'm exhausted from a weekend of too many things to do. i want to lose myself in cheesy t.v. and not think about anything.

guilty pleasure of the day: season finales.

in all their cheesy glory. cliffhangers. what if's. surprises. bring them on!

website of the day: http://www.mazzystar.nu/

mazzy star. a re-discovery. i'd forgotten how much i adore the music. how delicious it is. mmmmmmm.

laura f

Take the
Which Christian Bale character are you?quiz

lyrics for today: 'bells for her' tori amos

and through the life force and there goes her friend
on her nishiki
it's out of time
and through the portal they can make amends

hey would you say whatever
we're blanket friends
can't stop what's coming
can't stop what's on its way

and through the walls they made their mudpies
I've got your mind i said
she said i've your voice
i said you don't need my voice, girl
you have your own
but you never thought it was enough of

so they went years and years
like sisters blanket girls
always there through that and this
there's nothing we cannot ever fix, i said

can't stop what's coming
can't stop what's on its way

bells and footfalls and soldiers and dolls
brothers and lovers she and i were
now she seems to be sand under his shoes
there's nothing i can do

can't stop what's coming
can't stop what's on its way

and now i speak to you
are you in there
you have her face and her eyes
but you are not her
and we go at each other like blank ettes
who can't find their thread and their bare

can't stop loving
can't stop what is on its way
and I see it coming
and it's on its way

100 words: she came next, or not too long after. it tooks months to break-through to me. i was ice. solid. fierce. frozen. she told me once they thought i was ill. always hidden away in the house. pale. ghostly. she brought colour with her. stringy hair. skinned knees. fearless. i wanted to circle around her. breathe her in. take some of that strength into me. i did. we weaved our worlds together. slowly. naturally. these were the roots of the longest bond. so many things to come. life. death. shards of innocence thrown into the sky. our hands always reaching in.

musings: i miss her. how can i not? she was part of the history of me. and i, to her. childhood bonds that lasted through so many somethings. and we drifted together. in and out of disrepair. we've seen each other at our best, our worst. and their are secrets she holds of mine, deep beneath her skin. i left them with her, even as a child. and no one knows the real life we led before, except us. silences we shared, without having to explain. i know she let me down. left me when i felt i was changing. she was changing. and here we are mothers. opposite sides of this land. we always said we'd keep connected. i'm not even sure what broke the chain.

guilty pleasure of the day: the body shop

just the smell when you walk in is almost enough for me. just that. intoxicating. i love to just wander and see what's new. ponder this and that. and sometimes i walk out with a new item. banana shampoo was last time. but, i always leave with something vanilla. always. i noticed this morning that my vanilla body oil is gone. sounds like another trip soon!

website of the day: http://www.adiosbarbie.com/

tagged: a body image site for every body.
i really love the media diet part. definately worth a read.

laura f

Take the Which Star Wars Character are you mostly likely to get it on with? quiz, by ProtocolDroid.

lyrics for today: 'california' joni mitchell

sitting in a park in paris, france
reading the news and it sure looks bad
they won't give peace a chance
that was just a dream some of us had
still a lot of lands to see
but i wouldn't want to stay here
it's too old and cold and settled in its ways here
oh, but california
california i'm coming home
i'm going to see the folks i dig
i'll even kiss a sunset pig
california i'm coming home

i met a redneck on a grecian isle
who did the goat dance very well
he gave me back my smile
but he kept my camera to sell
oh the rogue, the red red rogue
he cooked good omelettes and stews
and i might have stayed on with him there
but my heart cried out for you, california
oh california i'm coming home
oh make me feel good rock'n roll band
i'm your biggest fan
california, i'm coming home

oh it gets so lonely
when you're walking
and the streets are full of strangers
all the news of home you read
just gives you the blues
just gives you the blues

so i bought me a ticket
i caught a plane to spain
went to a party down a red dirt road
there were lots of pretty people there
reading rolling stone, reading vogue
they said, "how long can you hang around?"
i said "a week, maybe two,
just until my skin turns brown
then i'm going home to california"
california i'm coming home
oh will you take me as i am
strung out on another man
california i'm coming home

oh it gets so lonely
when you're walking
and the streets are full of strangers
all the news of home you read
more about the war
and the bloody changes
oh will you take me as i am?
will you take me as i am?
will you?

100 words: but somedays were still silent. bitter. drifting through rooms like a shadow. a ghost. wanting to scream out. say something. tell someone. but instead i just sat and took it all in. the good and the band. the damn indifference. in my alone times i could mimic them all. take on their voices. their sounds. they never knew how well i memorized their features. thoughts. i discovered the world of magazines. glossy pictures that seemed so unreal. so perfect. i wanted to achieve that. somehow. i would sit, cross-legged, in the back of my closet. flashlight in hand. and pretend.

thoughts: there are days i miss it. i'd be a liar if i said i didn't, though i've come to love the walls and grass and sky here. the seasons. the green and the clear blue. but, there is something so primal in me, deep within, that longs for the ocean. the sand. the streets of the city. the familiarity. the warm breezes. the winds. the way even a dark alley holds a story, a memory, for me. and, i think i've faced it, i will return. one day. or another. i will return.

guilty pleasure of the day: pink

okay. laugh. go on.
i am not a boys band/teen girl singer fan. i never have been. not even when i was a teen. as a teen i was wrapped up in goth and the new romantic/british invasion and punk. and some girl groups. but not like the ones today. i couldn't stomach them. still can't. but there is something about pink. maybe it is that she doesn't seem to pretend to be someone she isn't. she doesn't broadcast virginity. she doesn't say i'm a pop god. she doesn't pretend to be brilliant. i don't know. there is something, though -- well, sans that party song -- which i could do without. but, yeah, there is something about pink.
so go on and laugh. i don't mind. that's what guilty pleasures are all about, right?

website of the day: http://www.hbo.com/sixfeetunder/

yes!!!!
"your whole life is leading up to this."
(there is even a 'six feet under' trivia game there!)

laura f

which children's storybook character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

lyrics for today: 'mr. zebra' tori amos

hello, mr. zebra.
can i have your sweater.
cause it's cold cold cold
in my hole hole hole.

ratatouille strychnine.
sometimes, she's a friend of mine.
with a gigantic whirlpool
that will blow your mind.

hello, mr. zebra.
ran into some confusion with a mrs. crocodile
furry mussels marching on.
she thinks she's kaiser wilhelm
or civilised syllabub
to blow your mind.

figure it out
she's, she's a goodtime fella.
she got a little fund to fight for moneypenny's rights.
figure it out.
she's,she's a goodtime fella.
too bad the burial was premature, she said and smiled.

100 words: there were a few who broke through my disguises. saw inside the mask. beyond the alter ego. maybe they had glimpsed my super powers. perhaps they actually saw me. me. for me. the two of them lived at the edge of the end of it all. by the big field. they had primary coloured furniture. from denmark. bunkbeds that we made forts out of. hanging upside down from the railing. childlike reckless abandon. she made strange food. warm cocoa. he was gone often. on the road. she always sang more when he was gone. we sang right along, too.

today's musings: trash day. all the houses line up their "i don't need it anymore's". and you wonder, sometimes, what's in all those bags and bins. are they just garbage. or secrets. or little mysteries, well-hidden in plastic and tin. at times i think i'd like to peer inside (without really touching, if that were possible), and see if i could unfold the stories. i guess that little girl writing mysteries is still breathing somewhere beneath my skin. isn't she?

guilty pleasure of the day: lipstick

i'm not much on make-up, anymore. i used to be. days when i piled it on so thick. my goth-years. now the goth in me lives within. not on my face. but, i do so adore lipstick. big, bold, deep, dark colour. today it is love junkie. i like the contrast it makes with my pale skin. dark eyes. lips blood-tinged, almost. i love lipstick.

website of the day: http://www.urbandecay.com/

love the lipstick colours!!!

laura f

Where is my Mind?

You're smart, shy, and often nonsensical. You have dreams of being famous, and you're quirky enough that you just might pull them off. Some would call you a genius, others would call you insane, but in reality you're pretty well-adjusted. Take a vacation once in a while- it'll help take your mind off of your troubles.

Which Pixies song are you?

older found writing of mine:

'as if to fly'
5/19/00


she rides the bus on days when her feet grow weary
when her head needs clearing
filled with filmy thoughts of conflicting emotion
she just drops her coins in and takes a seat
watches the city go by
sometimes she marks her favourite spots in her mind
images to use in her scribblings
the tore up crabapple tree in front of greens market
children's center playgrounds with the laughter rising
around the corner the methadone clinic looming
desperation and hope
leaked out onto the pavement
sometimes she gets off at first and newport
wanders into the shiny doors of al's
puts on a pair of those funky numbered shoes
loses herself in the adrenaline of the bowling lanes
all the pins falling down with the smack of the ball
not minding that the skin between her thum and fingers ache
or that she drinks too many beers with the nameless sportsmen
today it's ambrige park to stop at
to run through the trail feeling like a faerie
a neophyte gliding in the middle of swings and trees
feeling her hair flip behind her in the wind
wishing she had skates or wings or a soul
this world is still so undiscovered
so many things left to say
she wants to get it all down in one gulp
pages and pages of images spurting from her insides
she wants to stand atop the circle k and let them go
sheets of her truths for everyone to read
with their icees and cigarettes and bubble gum
here's her stop
goodbye

laura f

i love magazines. i do. it's one of my addictions.
here's a new one i found today that i think i could adore.
http://www.todolistmagazine.com/

okay. anyone who reads this blog, tell me what your addictions are.
you can e-mail me, or tell it to the guestbook.

magazines are one of mine. i have others.
here's a few others, while i'm at it:

music, movies, mailing lists, postcards, diet coke, touch, talking, writing, some t.v. shows, books, the library, and i could go on and on.

laura f

Which Evil Criminal are You?

lyrics for the day: 'ask' the smiths (featuring kirsty maccoll)

shyness is nice, and
shyness can stop you
from doing all the things in life
you'd like to

shyness is nice, and
shyness can stop you
from doing all the things in life
you'd like to

so, if there's something you'd like to try
if there's something you'd like to try
ask me - i won't say "no" - how could i?

coyness is nice, and
coyness can stop you
from saying all the things in
life you'd like to

so, if there's something you'd like to try
if there's something you'd like to try
ask me - i won't say "no" - how could i?

spending warm Summer days indoors
writing frightening verse
to a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg

ask me, ask me, ask me
ask me, ask me, ask me

because if it's not love
then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
that will bring us together

nature is a language - can't you read ?
nature is a language - can't you read ?

so...ask me, ask me, ask me
ask me, ask me, ask me

because if it's not love
then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
that will bring us together

if it's not love
then it's the bomb
then it's the bomb
that will bring us together

so...ask me, ask me, ask me
ask me, ask me, ask me
oh, la...

100 words: silence blocked me. i would come face to face with others. glimmer of hope in their eyes. the possibilities. but i couldn't get the words out clear. i stammered. shrieked. tumbled over myself. and soon the spark left. they left. even at five i had this incapability. yet i wanted so badly to be heard. to join in. i would drag my patchwork blanket out on the grass. spread it carefully. evenly. smooth. decorate it with toys. sit in the middle. try to look welcoming. try not to shake. smile. but my thoughts felt too big for my mouth. enormous.

thoughts for today: today lacks colour. the sky is grey. fog-filled. the lights all out in the house. just the light of the computer screen. and what is trying too hard to be day, outside. even the walls seemed to have taken a dreary tint. and i look down at myself. the clothes i picked out today. black and grey. well, at least my lips are full of colour. deep burgundy bright. but i still feel this lack. my eyes want to experience a challenge. my senses long for variety. bring on some colour, please.

guilty pleasure of the day: photo albums and pictures

yes, i'm the kind of annoying person who will sit you down and subject you to the history of me in pictures. albums filled with memories that mean so much to me, but honestly probably bore the hell out of everyone else. but, i also love to indulge in the photo albums and pictures of others. i don't find it boring. i find it intricately interesting, and telling, to see what people choose to show. what means something to them. i love it.

website of the day: http://shutterline.com/potd/

photo of the day! indulge my senses. and yours.

laura f

See which Greek Goddess you are.

lyrics for today: 'letter to a john' ani difranco

don't ask me why i'm crying
i'm not going to tell you what's wrong
i'm just gonna sit on your lap
for five dollars a song
i want you to pay me for my beauty
i think it's only right
'cause i have been paying for it
all of my life

i'm gonna take the money i make
i'm gonna take the money i make
i'm gonna take the money i make
and i'm gonna go away...

we barely have time to react in this world
let alone rehearse
and i don't think i'm better than you
but i don't think that i'm worse
women learn to be women
and men learn to be men
and i don't blame it all on you
but i don't want to be your friend

i'm gonna take the money i make
i'm gonna take the money i make
i'm gonna take the money i make
and i'm gonna go away...

i was eleven years old
he was as old as my dad
and he took something from me
i didn't even know that i had
so don't tell me about decency
don't tell me about pride
just give me something for my trouble
'cause this time, it's not a free ride

i'm gonna take the money i make
i'm gonna take the money i make
i'm gonna take the money i make
and i'm gonna go away...

don't ask me why i'm crying
i'm not going to tell you what's wrong
i'm just gonna sit on your lap
for five dollars a songs
i want you to pay me for my beauty
i think it's only right
'cause i have been paying for it
all of my life

now i just wanna take
and i'm just gonna take
i'm gonna take
and i'm gonna go away

i learned the tricks of the trade. escape artist extraordinaire. close my eyes and drift. i collapsed into the pillow, felt my body go numb. leave. slip through the cracked window pane. disappear. i landed in my stories. girl detective. strong. smart. warrior princess. agile. alert. beautiful lover. beguilling. innocent. and i began to believe in the characters. that i was her. she was me. the lies of my made-up reality were easier to swallow. and you never saw the shift in me. the eyes glaze over. my mind shut off. you just said i was so good. so perfect.

today: monday again. i feel too rushed. to overwhelmed. too much to do. and the clock is on overdrive. fast forward. i keep running to try and catch up. and my eyes are tired. i want to sleep. i want to escape into a blanket and pillow. into dreams. into a blank state of air and breathing and nothing more.

guilty pleasure of the day: victoria's website

okay. so i don't feel guilty for loving her site. but, then again, i don't hang my head in shame over *any* of my guilty pleasures. i'm a geek, and proud of it. being a geek, though, has nothing to do with being addicted to her site. it is gorgeous. dark. mysterious. funny. and full of spark. just like victoria.

website of the day: http://www.muruch.net

see for yourself!!!

laura f

Which Hacker's Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

lyrics for today: 'untouchable' garbage

this is nothing new to me
it takes more than what you got
to frighten me
i'm not scared of you
there’s nothing you can do
or take from me

untouchable
you think you're untouchable
you know
no one’s untouchable

you're bound to lose the game
there's no one else to blame
you play so safe
and you're not risking enough
you are doomed to be undone
i swear i'll be the one
to bring you down

it’s all your fault
cause you got caught

untouchable
you think you're untouchable
you know
no one’s untouchable

it must be nice
to be so sure
and never feel insecure
it must feel good to believe
you're always right
and you're never wrong

you've got something to say
you say it to my face
and be a man about it
you got a problem with me
don't go behind my back
just like a baby

untouchable (pride comes before)
you think you're untouchable (you take a fall)
you know (you'd best beware)
no one’s untouchable (a woman scorned)
untouchable (pride comes before)
you think you're untouchable (you take a fall)
you know (you'd best beware)
no one’s untouchable (a woman scorned)
no one's untouchable
you think you're untouchable
you know, no one's untouchable
no one's untouchable
no one's untouchable
no one's untouchable
no one's untouchable

we never were quite what was expected. you were never the ideal. but they filled in some of the gaps. weekends and vacations. neverending supplies of attention. where you neglected, they overcompensated. they saw me a bit more than you did, but still not as i needed to be seen. i wanted them to notice the scars. how he had come in and changed things for us. made me know too much, too soon. kept me a prisoner of silence and secrets. i started to doubt what i saw. what i felt. maybe this is just a dream. a dream.

thougths: i'm still doing the 100 words. each days submission is what is coming directly after the lyrics of the day. i wanted to be able to catalog them, for myself. somewhere besides the 100 words site. i'm still finding it challenging. i'm trying to create one large piece, which is difficult when you are coming up with these tiny chunks every day. but, this is really an experiment for me. i'm anxious to see how it will all look, blended together, in the end.

sunday. i can hear an ice cream truck in the distance. she runs outside and waits at the curb. part of her allowance in hand. and it all reminds me that summer is soon to be here.

i spent so much of today outside. in the yard. i say, i'm not much of a gardener. this outside work just isn't me. even if i want it to be. i've read stories about the joys of gardening. of getting your hands dirty. toiling the land. watching your work grow. but i just can't seem to grasp the good in it. it just feels like work that i don't enjoy, to me. i'd rather raise a child. cook a meal. even clean a whole house...then any of this yard work. should i be disappointed in me?

guilty pleasure of the day: movie trailers

i just adore watching the movie trailers in the theatre. i get so excited, even goose-pimply, when the next one comes up. it is possibly my favourite part of going to the movies.

website of the day: http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/

awesome music online magazines that i just discovered.

laura f

Which Spike are you?

lyrics for today: 'drawn to the rhythm' sarah mclachlan

when we wore a heart of stone we wandered to the sea
hoping to find some comfort there yearning to feel free
and we were mezmerised by the lull of the night
and the smells that filled the air
and we laid us down on sandy ground
it was cold but we didn't care

cause we were drawn to the rhythm
drawn into the rhythm of the sea
and we were drawn to the rhythm
drawn into the rhythm of the sea

we fell asleep and began to dream when something broke the night
memories stirred inside of us the struggle and the fight
and we could feel the heat of a thousand voices
telling us which way to go
and we cried out is there no escape
from the words that plauge me so

and we were drawn to the rhythm
drawn into the rhythm of the sea
and we were drawn to the rhythm
drawn into the rhythm of the sea

in the still and the silent dawn another day is born
washed up by the tireless waves the body bent and torn
in the face of the blinding sun and wake only to find
that heaven is a stranger place than what i've left behind

and we were drawn to the rhythm
drawn into the rhythm of the sea
and we were drawn to the rhythm
drawn into the rhythm of the sea

and then there was the music. songs spinning their mystical web into my ears, my soul. she neglected to teach me about life, let me stumble around on my own. but the music was always there. she fed off of it. and, slowly i learned to, as well. finding the lessons and the nourishment between the beats and melodies. the words of one singer to the next leading me to conclusions i was not quite old enough to comprehend. love. betrayal. loss. sex. movement. flight. heartbreak. illusion. they all became patterns in my view of the world. my patchwork quilt.

it's around noon: this is a later start for me. here. my words usually thrust out of me when the sun has barely woken for the day. and i'm pushed to write. today started later. i found comfort in the lull of slowly waking. enjoying the rays drift through the blinds. enjoyed the simple and meaningless conversations between us. the way we feel back to normal after the recent upheaval from someone's cruel joke. i appreciate the touch of his hand in my hair. soft kisses. our baby ebbing and flowing within me. we watch the tide of my stomach. her little footprint. right there. she has already marked our life. this is divine. moments like this.

guilty pleasure of the day:'spiderman'

yes. we are off to see it. indulge in our superhero addictions. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

website of the day: http://www.bust.com/

if i were to write for a magazine, this is the one i would want it to be. *dreaming*.

laura f

'stamp collector lament'

i carry your letters with me,
out back,
stolen moments in the rain,
i need to possess this part of you, alone.

you are the sticky sweet part of my existance,
full of wonder and lust,
i page through your ink and paper rambles,
weaving them deeper into my soul, divine.

i want you to find me here,
by the orange tree,
smother me with everything and nothing, silence,
i need you to erase these responsibilities, blind me.

our whispered confessions bleed and run,
not quite developed yet,
photography still hanging in our dark room,
images begining to be brought into focus, clean.

i wish to be part of the wind in your hair,
tangle you,
know how you are over morning coffee, the paper,
reunite our wistful letters with breath, spoken.

come closer,
scrawl the meanings on the curve of my spine,
i need them to be more,
to burn me,
away.

laura f

Which Buffy Guy Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

lyrics for today: '(believed you were) lucky' aimee mann

so i guess i'll give it up
yeah i guess i will
what's the use in pushing
when it's all uphill

i can't be appointed
keeper of the flame
without two to carry
it won't burn the same, oh

it seems obvious to me
but then again
could be
you just never felt that way

i wish you believed in life
believed in fate
believed you were lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
life could be so great

it gets so embarassing
so i acquiesce
and i'll change my mind again
you change your address, oh

it seems logical to me
but then again
could be was simply not that smart

i thought you believed in life
believed in fate
believed you were lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
life could be so great

there must be some other door that they are saving
behind which my happiness lies
i won't be wasting my words
to tell you hopes that i had -
we can just leave it alone for now

I wish you: believed in life
believed in fate
believed you are lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
life could be fucking great.

stories began there. i had my characters to start off with. their little details. the way an eye shifted in a chosen direction when a lie was told, a bargain offered, a disappointment stifled. i studied their shifts and changes, without them ever knowing, caring, noticing. my first words were scrawled out on coloured construction paper bought in a pad form, by my grandmother. i guessed at the spellings, but knew what i was creating. covered the messages with glitter, crayon, etches of disguise. no one saw the sentences building. they only saw the smiling face covering it, in denial.

thoughts this morning: ever have the feeling that something has gone wrong that involves you, but you haven't the slightest clue what that something is? two days of this. his mood darkening with every corner. and i thought this was just a mood thing. a shift that i hadn't seen in quite sometime. but, that is my mind talking. what i wished it was. but my ever-irrational emotions were going crazy with it. all fingers pointing back at me. damn if i'm not always so quick to take the blame -- for anything. then it turns out, with what looked like fear and desperation, he finally comes clean to me. tells me the something. and i'm thrown back in surprise. finding out that someone, somewhere, in a very cowardly anonymous nature, decided to tell a lie about me. a big lie. one that his so remarkably un-true that it could almost be hilarious. but it isn't. and it's not. and i saw the damage lined out on his face. i hurt for him. for me. for two days of worry and wondering and deep pain. days like this i wish i could live far away from all civilization. away from people in general. days i wish i could understand that kind of action. how someone can maliciously wound someone(s) like that. damn.

guilty pleasure or the day: 'frontier house'

pbs reality show. three families decide to live as "homesteaders" in montana, in as exact a way as the original settlers/homesteaders did, back in the 1800s. this show is not only addicting, but is rich in emotion, love, struggle and family. i'd hasten to say this is the best reality show i've ever seen.

website of the day: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/frontierhouse/

check it out for yourself!

laura f

'this isn't the road i meant to choose'

you tried to disappear,
grab a blanket, twist it into a magic carpet,
a cape, and run far far far off into the sun,
but you landed here, instead.

the arms of attraction, a stranger full of promises,
so eager to believe, in family and all that it can be,
your future, blurred and blistered as you slipped on
the ring,
and he would never suit you, for long.

there were the crying pulls and arrows,
yanking at the lining of your dress, your soul,
and you sat by the window and plotted your revenge,
wishing you had seen, heard, really understood.

piled up high hair, lathered on make-up,
your brilliant disguises still don't make you
complete,
the needs overwhelming, unsatisfactory,
in the kitchen light he just looks ordinary, to you.

so he takes you out for the day,
she is a passerby, camera in hand,
shoot and click, you let her capture you unbound,
your eyes giving all of it away, at once.

as only some pictures will do.

you know, we both meant to bring you to smiles,
cartwheels and handstands, look at us,
but your eyes were cast off in that distance,
and you still looked for her in the crowds,

everyday, forgetting about us.

he was never quite capable of making up for your
vacant blush,
following you, chasing you, trying to weigh you down,
we were just part of a well-worn trap, that failed,
and he would sign off on our lease, in the end.

she sent you copies and negatives,
bundled up letters, scented, hidden under the
mattress,
and you went on with neverending pretense of how good
you could be,
but she never showed up to hold your hair back in the
bathroom.

that was for him, and me.

laura f

Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty

lyrics for today: 'here's where the story ends' the sundays

people i know, places i go
make me feel tongue tied
i can see how people look down
they're on the inside

here's where the story ends

people i see, weary of me
showing my good side
i can see how people look down
i'm on the outside

here's where the story ends
ooh, here's where the story ends

it's that little souvenir of a terrible year
which makes my eyes feel sore
oh i never should have said the books that you read
were all i loved you for
it's that little souvenir of a terrible year
which makes me wonder why
and it's the memories of the shed that make me turn red
surprise, surprise, surprise

crazy i know, places i go
make me feel so tired
i can see how people look down
i'm on the outside

oh, here's where the story ends
ooh, here's where the story ends

it's that little souvenir of a terrible year
which makes my eyes feel sore
and who ever would've thought the books that you brought
were all i loved you for
oh the devil in me said go down to the shed
i know where i belong
but the only thing i ever really wanted to say
was wrong, was wrong, was wrong

it's that little souvenir of a colorful year
which makes me smile inside
so i cynically, cynically say the world is that way
surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise

here's where the story ends
ooh, here's where the story ends

i sat in the background of all of it. fell into the visual nothing of walls and carpet fibers. and everyone just spoke their minds. let loose their secrets. aired their indiscretions. no one seemed to notice i was there. taking it all in. even with my face buried deep in a book, i could hear their life and lies. though, at times i let the words pull me in. capture me. catapult my mind into faraway lands and laughter. love. passion. places where i could be seen. if i chose to be. but it wasn't always up to me.

today's insignificant laura news: our phone is broken. no dial tone. strange, to me it feels comforting. the lack of interruption. but, at the same time, it is a frustration. i have to miss work to be here for the phone company...who knows when they will show up. maybe i should still look for the good in this, though. i get to take a stolen day to relax. write. read. perhaps watch something cheesy on television. enjoy the silence, until they fix the phone...again.

guilty pleasure of the day: superheroes

yes. i try to act uninterested. i try to seem unimpressed. but, i love the superhero genre. the idea of our seemly flaws being super powers...because, really, all those special things they possess could be seen as drawbacks and mistakes...in real society's jaded view. my current favourites: 'smallville', 'justice league', 'gotham girls' and 'harley quinn'...somewhat interested in 'spiderman' (yay for tobey maguire), and a all-time favourite - 'wonder woman'.

website of the day: http://www.warnerbros.com/pages/gothamgirls/index.jsp

yay for the 'gotham girls'!!!

laura f

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

lyrics for today: 'superman (the clique)' r.e.m.

i am i am i am superman
and i know what's happening

i am i am i am superman
and i can do anything

you don't really love that guy you make it with now do you
i know you don't love that guy cause i can see right through you

if you go a million miles away i'll track you down girl
trust me when i say i know the pathway to your heart

i am i am i am superman
and i know what's happening

i am i am i am superman
and i can do anything

from the start i possessed dual superpowers: invisibility and storytelling. you think a child cannot be born into this world with such nonesense as powers? perhaps. maybe this is the way i viewed things through my own complex kaleidascope lens. or possibly this was survival. but these were the things that resounded within my skin. gave me an instinct and a strength that i could not see around me. made me heartbroken, as well. but, if you read carefully, aren't all superheroes tragic figures?

no, this isn't another cry for attention. nor an ego-based hallucination. just a chunk of me.

announcement: hurrah! today starts my first day contributing to the 100 words. i am intrigued and motivated. but, after my first entry (see above, after lyrics), i realize how small 100 words really are. i know i use too many words in a day. talk too much. write too much. overflow thoughts. but, i never realized how difficult it is to condense to a small number - like 100. but i think it is a good lesson to partake in. to shave back from my first initial spew. to learn to compartmentalize, in a way. we'll see how it all turns out.

guilty pleasure of the day: ice cream.

we received an ice cream maker for our 2nd anniversary. it is a truly fabulous creation. and it just indulges my already lifelong obsession with that frozen delicacy known as ice cream. and, best yet, i get to be a flavour creator. last night i made cherry/strawberry keen and yum ice cream. mmmmmmmmmmmm.

website of the day: http://www.100words.net/front.cfm

and here's where it all begins.

laura f